Children Are A Blessing
Transitioning from one to two children is a BIG deal! It’s SO exciting. You’re giving your current babe a built in bestie, a lifetime gift.
Psalm 127:3-5 says “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”
It is such an HONOR and a PRIVILEGE to be a mom of two. I feel truly blessed and do not take it for granted.
The Transition
That being said, I’d be lying if I said the transition to being a mom of two is easy peasy. You’ve done this before, so you def have that going for you. But adding another one to the mix and figuring out how to balance your time between two babies is challenging. I was able to give my FULL attention to Miles. He was my sole priority. So adding another baby – who I also want to give my FULL attention to, has been hard. I find myself constantly questioning if I’m a good mom because I can’t give either baby all my attention. And feel like I’m not giving either of them enough.
I don’t feel like people talk about this part of the transition. The feeling inadequate part. The mourning of a season and entering a totally new, totally good season. A season you’ve never been in before. A season you LOVE and are so excited about!! A season you’ve been praying for. And at the same time you can’t help but grieve the loss of your past season.
I really want to open up conversation about this transition – one I didn’t have before my second was here. I’m giving you everything we did to make the experience smoother. And some thoughts looking back. Ultimately, I want YOU to be prepared for your new season with TWO precious babies! A true miracle.
My Best Tips
1. Talk About Baby in your Belly
This helped so much! We talked about the baby in my belly ALL the time. My son, Miles, was very aware of babe. Miles came with my us to all of the doctor appointments to hear baby’s heart beat. We let him hold the Doppler on my belly. We talked about sharing toys with baby. Being a big brother. All the things.
We didn’t decide on our second’s name until he was born, but if you decide sooner, call him/her by name!! I think it would have made baby more real for Miles if he could have called him by his name (Mason) before he was actually here!
2. Give your Firstborn a Present from the Baby
We did this and it was a smashing success. We had a little toy airplane for Miles at the hospital waiting in baby’s bassinet. Miles loved playing with it in the hospital. And THEN, we also had a little chair at home for Miles that was from Mason. He tells everyone who comes over his chair is from Mason, which I love.
3. Be Empty Handed when your Firstborn Comes to Meet Baby
When your oldest comes into your room, have the baby laying in the bassinet so you can give big brother (or sister) your full attention. And meet babe together. I had Miles come sit on my lap, we snuggled, and then I asked him if he wanted to meet his baby brother. He held him while sitting on my lap, and it was honestly the sweetest moment.
4. Little Helper
Recruit your oldest to be your personal assistant. Give them little tasks they can do to help with baby. Grab the wipes, throw away the diaper, get the burp cloth, whatever you can think of. This gives them purpose and makes them feel big. Miles LOVES helping. I often try to bring Miles in to be a part of caring for baby. MOST of the time, he is very willing and excited to help. And always feels proud after he completes the task. I love empowering him to help at a young age.
5. One on One Time
Schedule one on one time with your firstborn while someone else watches babe. I cherish the solo time I get with Miles. This can be as extravagant or simple as you want. So far for me it’s been simple. Taking extra time to put Miles down for nap or bedtime while baby Mason is napping. Taking Miles to the library while my husband hangs with Mason for an hour. I can tell when Miles needs time with me because he gets whiny and clingy. Be aware of their behavior, if it’s off, they might just need some mama time.
I think it can feel overwhelming to have to get a sitter and pump (if you’re nursing) and leave your precious newborn to spend time with your oldest. But it really doesn’t have to be complicated. It doesn’t need to be long or extravagant, it can be short and sweet. Be intentional with your firstborn while your babe is napping. Or if your babe doesn’t nap well, wait until your husband comes home from work so he can take babe while you take 30 minutes to spend time with your oldest! Go for a walk, go to the park, bake something together, etc. Your undivided attention will fill them right up.
6. Empower Your Husband
I think husbands CAN (not always) be intimidated by newborns. It’s a mother’s natural instinct to nurture and care for babe, but husbands often shy away. Especially if you keep saying “I got it,” when they offer to help. Eventually they’ll stop offering. Moms often can do it better, I’ll admit it. But that doesn’t always mean you should. Sometimes we just have to let our husbands figure it out and do it their own way.
I’m preaching to myself when I say this. If I know I can help Mason stop crying, I want to. But I also want my husband to feel confident that he can soothe him too. So I have to let him. And encourage him that I believe in him.
7. Let People Help
I can’t lie, I want to do it all. And generally think I can. I also feel bad asking people to hold my crying baby. But I honestly think it’s a little bit of pride. And insecurity.
I am SO blessed with parents and in-laws I LOVE. AND who are always willing and wanting to help. So my advice is to take them up on it! A 15 min (or longer) break does wonders. It gives you a little breather to come back and be your best self. And allows them to build a relationship with your babe! Which benefits everyone involved (if you like your parents/in-laws, but that’s another conversation lol).
8. Embrace the Season
Remind yourself it’s just a season and it WILL get better. It feels like Mason was born yesterday and it’s already been 12 weeks! AND it’s already getting easier. In the beginning, your newborn has no routines and you are still getting to know him. But as babe gets a little more of a routine, and you figure out what his different cries mean, everything gets smoother. You will figure out how to coordinate your time better. Your oldest will get used to having a baby around. Your house will get clean (lol). You’ve got this mama.
Final Thoughts
I just want to say, you ARE a good mom. Jesus chose YOU to be the mom to your 1+ children, and you have everything you need to raise them. I hope these tips help you in preparing for you and your family’s transition from one to two children. Truly the biggest blessing!
I’d love to hear your thoughts! Was your transition from 0-1 children, 1-2 children, 2-3 children, or 3+ children the hardest? Let me know in the comments what your fav tip was AND your best tips for creating a smooth transition to two! I can’t wait to hear from you!
xoxo,
Alexa
You’ll love my other posts here!
Leave a Reply